Dreams. Deferred. Now Driven.

At a friend gathering yesterday, my friend A nearly gave me a heart attack when she said that she was 26 and turning 27. Why is this important? Because we were born the same year. And I was 95% sure I was 25. But she seemed so sure and after a literal counting of fingers starting from the year we were born- we came to the conclusion that we were 25. Haha.

Why is this fact so vital that I am 25 and not 26? You readers of whom are wiser and have more life experience chronologically may be rolling your eyes at me, but there’s a difference between 25 and 26. 25 is mid-twenties. 26 is late twenties.

Mid twenties are kind of the last few moments of being a silly young thing. Sure you can continue being a silly young thing well into your 60s. But at some point people are going to say “aren’t you a little old to be acting that way? Shouldn’t you know better?”. I feel like mid-twenties it’s still ok to be figuring yourself out and doing what you’re doing. But later twenties are when you may be making mistakes, but at least you have a goal in mind. It’s time to stop d*cking around you and move on.

Since I will be leaving my 25 year and my mid-twenties in about 2 months- I feel that it is alright to review now. It’s almost Christmas and there’s a certain briskness in the air that kind of reminds you, like a caterpillar in a cocoon, it’s time to bundle up and get ready for some change. Last night I saw friends from high school that I hadn’t seen in 7 years. And yes I’ll admit that perhaps we weren’t the best of friends in high school, but the years of experience that we have between us made me realize that time can work as well as up-all-night-let’s-talk-about-everything-in-our-lives-and-thoughts discussions. My high school friends were there. Were you there?

It was amazing to see the growth and change of the people who I knew in our awkward formative years. And yes, its pretty reassuring to know that a lot of them are still figuring out their lives. Masters degrees do not equal certainty. Some are going back and trying to finish their university degrees after a break. I guess I lived in a bubble from my college friends- the ones with awesome or well paying jobs. It seems a lot of the time that they have it figured out. And perhaps its because of the place where I went to undergrad- I should have realized all my friends were overachievers. I think I’m at an ok level of achievement in my life. Comparing myself to college friends made me feel as if I were behind. Talking to my hs friends and catching up with each other’s lives taught me that there are so many various paths to take in life that there is no “set right way” of living. That I don’t need a career, advanced degree, to be married, and all that other typical stuff to be successful or even happy.

Not to say that I’m happy where I am (I know I need to move on from my current job which is a big factor in my life). Its always better to be driven. But I think I can say that I did give into despair for a little bit concerning where I am in life. And despair is paralyzing. I just wanted to remain miserable and stuck. But last night taught me something. I shouldn’t give into despair because I’ve accomplished a lot more than I thought I could.

I love my hometown and I always will, but where I live now is the right place for me. I forgot that my only goal after undergrad was to live in the Bay Area. And I’ve accomplished that. I can say I’ve accomplished one of my life goals- to live in the place that I love. Uprooting myself 500 miles away and making a life 500 miles away is hard, but I’ve succeeded.

Now I know that I’m a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. And that I can accomplish the things that I want. I just have to remind myself that it takes time, some mistakes, some adaptation, and some stubborn single-mindedness to get myself where I want. That’s how I accomplished one dream. Now I can accomplish more.

Any yes moving from my mid-twenties to my late twenties is significant. I think I also forgot to mention that I think the late twenties means that you can stop beating yourself up for being young. You’ve got some experience under your belt now. Sure there’s a slight edge more pressure than your early to mid-twenties, but there’s the pleasant feeling of knowing that you’ve already done so much. I think what is important to know and feel is that no matter how much older we get, we can still look back and remember what we’ve accomplished on our road to do what we’ve yet to accomplish.

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